Leave or Stay

four years ago I decided to leave town. leave my good-for-front job as instructor at capiz state university for something that is unsure. actually both of the job is unsure that time. don't know if i can continue my masters if i stay, nor if i can withstand the turmoil i am with that time. is not running away from the problems but running aways from those who create it. i was on the thinking that if i stay longer they will continue to create more and more problems for me. for me its enough. i should decide while i still have my good brain working for me. what will happen if its stops working. the people that will suffer are only my kids. some people just don't care so i have to take a leap. its not an easy decision, but a was thankful to myself i did it. for now i cant imagine myself if i stay. i feel good, contented, happy of what i have now. i also feel reunited with my family. what i am trying to say is never be afraid to decide for yourself. Remember! ots only you who knows whats best for yourself nobody is. Psome will try to persuade you choose wh they think is right that is for thier own benefit not youra so please. decide for yourself. before its too late

“How could you give Love if you don’t have enough of it… 2”

Have you ever asked yourself why one of your friend is someone who takes everything negatively? Did your ever asked yourself why a certain person you know act differently? Have you ever wonder, why some people do bad stuffs? Or just do things differently? Have you ever think that there might be a reason behind of all those attitudes they’ve got?

For most of us, if one person act differently we always stays away. Admit it, only a few, rather one in a hundred friend you’ve got or sometimes none will break your silence. Nobody will have the guts to see the monster inside you, they might be afraid to see it or rather unleashed it from you. And in some point, “true friend is rare”, apparently no one is true this days you’re lucky if you have someone that will take long rides, knock on your door in the middle of the night (without even knowing or being sure if someone will open it), listen to your drama’s, scold you like a mother but will then hug you without judgment. Friendships in any level is tested. The question is if you’re really a True friend, you will never let challenges in your friendship break you. Not even the continental boundaries.

         I once encounter a person saying “she only remembers me If she need something, or someone to lean on.” Instead of bragging you should be privileged, why? Because you are her/his threshold, this only means you have the big influence in her life that problems couldn’t be solve without you, or sometimes, your friends don’t actually need solutions from you they just need someone to listen to their dramas. Because human beings are naturally born with intelligence. We are born with intellectual capacity to handle hardships in life. We alone knows actually what to do, it only mixed up with our emotions.

          Emotions are the feeling we feel. According to some theories, they are states of feeling that result in physical and psychological changes that influence our behavior.  It A plays a vital role in human beings. As stated emotions influence our behavior, we behave according to what we feel. The point is, the questions stated above is will reflect back to the emotions that a certain person feels and the people around us has a big impact to the emotions we feel back in the womb until the adulthood that could developed the attitude we have now. Remember, we are born having two tendencies in our attitude, that is to have the right or wrong attitude. We are not born bad or good. We became good or bad depending on the environment and people around us. If we grew up in so much love then there’s a lot of it to give. But if we lacked it? We end up looking for it and sometimes others end up looking in wrong places.  

         Now, why does they feel that way? Emotions are need to feel important is a big help to overcome problems. How possible someone help himself/herself to face every problems in life if he/she feels unimportant, unworthy, unlove, tendencies this person so feels this with a simple problem they’ll commit suicide. 

Suicide, for some is the only solution to their undying problems. well, it simpy ain't the solution. It is an escape, an escape to the reality of life that brings us. I think of suicide before, but then I remember the places I wanted to visit, the kids that i gave births which was so wonderful, so I asked GOD to take my worries away and give me a lot of strength to stay calm and strong to any problems.. so still now I am battling with problems(so many of problems.....) but way way calmer now. 

I hope as you read this, may you reflect and if you have questions.. just send me a comment or an email. I'll be happy to help.... Take care.. 

Saan ka ba Aabutin??

Wake up in the middle of the night…. Day off pero eto…feeling ko mag duduty ng 2am in the morning shift. Very adjusted na sa BPO noh…addict lang….since d naman ako pupunta ng shift..( as if may pupuntahan pang shift)…eto nanood ng Oshopping since abs-cbn lang naman channel sa bahay..:) ng timpla ng coffee…bored parin. Kay lumabas ako ng bahay ng igib ng tubig at ng brush ng sahig sa kusina.. worth it dba??? Pero kapagod pala lalo na pag wala kang  brush na mahaba yung handle..gamit mung brush ung maliit, hindi tootbrush ha…sobrang liit non.. baka next year pa ako matapos nun… haixt! kaya ni-rush ko nalang at pagkatapoz humingga nah…  “nakakapapagod pala, especially if you don’t have the right tool in doing something, as if you don’t do it right., even your goal is just simple to make it better or beautiful,” apparently hindi parin ako makatulog.. addict na talaga sa graveyardshift.. kaya pati sa bahay graveyard ako gumagawa ng paglilinis….

So since d ako makatulog magshashare ako ng isang weird thing about me… hahha… oo.. sa nakakakilala sakin… SIRA ulo daw ako… sabi ko naman only great minds can understand me… Normal minds finds me crazy… parang Einstien lang ang peg…. Anyway….  Kasi marami rin naman nagtatanong nito sakin… di ko alam pero tuwing tinatanung tuh sakin binabalik ko naman a sarili ko… at tinananung ko rin naman sya…pero di nya rin ako sinasagot ng totoo yung sinasagot kasi ni sarili ko puro fictional na tao.. someone that really don’t exist.. hahahha. So the question goes this way… “who is your crush? Ultimate crush? Crushed?”

Unang sagot ni sarili ko… JOSE Rizal.. hahhaha.. uy si Jose rizal di fiction yung ha… but he exist a hundred years ago…buhay pa kaya sya?? Syemre patay.. sa luneta binaril diba??? Si rizal kasi ay RESPETO sa kapwa.. Marunong umunawa at yung bang uunahin yung kapakanan ng iba bago sya.. (hero nga dba)?  Second.. Edward of twilight…. Vampire? Di naman yun… yung character niya deleting of pagiging vampire nya… is caring (parang rizal din , uunahin yung kapakanan ni Bella bago sya..)… because that’s one trait that most woman wants , someone who cares for them as if they are a delicate glass that can easily be broken..at totoo yun. We women are easily broke. MARUPOK. Pero! L**** mga bwisit na Martian(MEN) mas marupok daw? Lalo na sa kaakit akit na MAIS… kaya tumutuka..! anyway.. this is isn’t about men…thought I am certified Feminist… di naman ako Anti-men.. sa dami kung kaibigang lalaki na wala naman kwenta halos lahat… laro dito- laro doon… so 100 lalaking kilala ko 2 lang ang matino… yung isa kalahati pa ng matinu kasi aral daw muna sya… at ang iba bakla na so di are not counted….

Okay… JOSe RIZAl, Edward… and recently dahil sa pagkacurious ko sa immortal man… I watched #apromiseofforever… helo sa addict din dyan… sa bashers tumahimik ka nalang… okey??? RESPETO sa mga likers…RESPETO… Una-unang pondasyon po yan sa kahit anung klaseng relasyon… pero minsan Misinterpreted (how? E.g. sa anak at magulang. Si anak ng plot ng side nya why it happens, kunwari may kasalanan, ngayon nagsalita, si magulang then dahil nagsalita si anak,sabi ni magulang “sasagot sagot kna ngayon? Anung pinagmamalaki mu? Ha? Walang modo, walang RESPETO???”, huh? Walang respeto kahit yung pagsasalita ni anak eh magkanda utal utal at sobrang liit pa ng boses, gusto lang ni anak marining yung side nya?) kaya sa mga magulang dyan pakingaan nyo po anak nyu.. at sana kahit alam nyong mali sya.. iparamdam nyu parin na mahal nyo sya.. dahil maraming bata iniisip na di sila mahal ng magulang nila dahil di to nakikiknig sa kanila… that’s why napapariwala po maga nak natin… try to think of it.. You have free communication in the house, itwould bea betterplace to live in…

Okey going back.. (ang daming topic..!) .. if you know how to respect you can be trusted.. tama?  If you can be trusted you are lovable…  LOVABLE…

Okey! So oo na nga humangga po ako sa character na , Nicholas Barrientos…yun lang ha.. hindi si Lorenzo Espinosa, o si Emil Mendoza. So why Nicholas Barrientos,  experiensyado kasi…interms po sa life (in 150 years of existence, syempre).. he is wise, pero again kahit gano katagal mu na sa mundo pagdating sa pag ibig… TANGA! Yun nga eh…malala sya…pero aside that… he knows how to manage everthing, and he is mayaman, maalaga,mabait, marespeto at cool lang, and may concern sa kapwa.. a kind of person na di mo makikita sa normal na lalaki kasi po lalaki po ngayon sa bahay lang po..wlang ginagawa kahit kanda kuba kuba na misis nila sa katatatrabaho yung iba lasinggero at puro sa bisyo.. walang modo!kaka hiya! sila yung may lakas at kakyahan na khit pag uwi sa bahay ay nagagawang kapit lang sa jeep ay yun! Kaming mga babae ang nakikipag agawan,at nakikipagsiksikan sa magulong mundo. Tayung mga babae pagdating nag bahay magluluto, papakainin mga bata, tapoz  maglalaba, mamalantsa,at kung anu- anu pang Gawain sa bahay….. may mga tao lang talaga na makapal ang mukha.. at  halos sila ay lalaki po…  pag lumabas ng bahay naman at nagtrabaho, kunting sahod palang ngmamalaki na.. cla na daw ang bumubuhay sa pamilya nila without even thinking of “SAAN AABOT ANG 2,000 mu sa isang buwan???”, minsan pa mangbababae pa.

Sa lahat ng bagay po walang malaki o maliit.. walang sapat o sobra…walang tama o mali… dahil saan ka man dyan sa dalawa  pag di  po nailalagay sa dapat na kalagyan nito gulo ang nangyayari.. malaki man yan o maliit kung may Respeto at pag uunawaan sa bawat isa sa loob ng isang bahay. Sobra pa po yan sa mansion… Masaya na buhay… wala akong hilig sa karangyaan. Pero sa buhay na toh.. tama pera ang nagpapaikot… Pera ang importante… pero kahit anung hamon meron ako sa buhay ko at kahit na realized ko na nasa lahat ng bagay, dito samundo pera ang importante… mas importante parin sakin ang oras na maibibigay ko at saya sa mahalaga sa akin.. sa mga anak ko… kasi yung pera lilipas din yan… pero alam ko ang bawat nakasama ko  sa paglalakbay ko sa buhay na toh… we have good memories to share….

Ano bayan? Ano ba talaga topic ko dito…ang dami sa ulo ko kasi..so sa ng waste ng time to read  thank you. Thanks for sharing the time with me… and VON Boyage! Sa buhay..!!! bitin noh… pero sasusunod nlang ulit…

Sleepy na ako… nights… 

IMPORTANCE of a PESO

 this is a late post:: happened April 7, friday


it started so early, I woke up in the morning feeling so excited for the "final defense" of my beloved 3rd year... so I got ready... didn't take breakfast coz i wanted to 
be at school early so i could print up my gradesheets to be pass at the registrar's office. so i got to school at around 7am. even its raining and take motorcyle(nabasa ko eh), when I reached the administration office, anak Andy and bae Jojo was heading home to get ready for the "final Defense" and i too headed to our faculty office.. I finished my gradesheets just in time before 8am just to notice that the rain hasn't stop, and researchers are not yet around. so... tick tack tick tack... iencoded the grading sheet for final defend the bSIT way... then one by one researchers comes, first was andy, then Evangeline, realizing they aren't done printing yet, aside fromvange who waits for her partner's arrival..... so waiting time....
due to public demand of my existence, i have to pass something on roxas city, shouldn't be pass on to someone coz it was scheduled. so i ask mam sha, and the rest of panel that i'll be going and we will resume at 1pm. 
then i go and waited for a van. for almost 20 mins of waiting finally I was in a public utility van. along magsaysay, my bestfriend's mom also takes the PUV, since i am very close to her i just bursted out "baw tita, upod naman kita? Damu gd kita guro estoryahan ay". she replied, "ay abaw! an, ara ikaw dra? daw amu gd guro." and we both laugh. she seat beside me and our conversation lasted in roxas city with the topic: his nephew, our student. :) but indeed GOD is good coz actually Tita bes pay my fare.. Thanks Tita sa uulitin... from the van to the jeepney... huya huya man ko.. pero thanks gd ta ha... hehehe..
we parted when I go down in CapSU main where the nearest drop off to my destination:DBP 
from DBP i was ask for another xerox of my ID so i go out and look for a copier so i can xerox my ID... from there...
..........I need to photocopy my ID only one and it cost me 1peso... the funny thing is... i can't find a peso in my bag.... wala ko piso! sa kadaku daku sang bag ko ayawan ko pangita sang piso.... to the extend nga ihuhu mu na ang tanan nga unod cmu bag tungod sa piso... ng iisip na ko ang byaran ko pero 500 peso bill ang kwarta ko nga madali ibayad... sa piso gd.... ! ang tuod??? so i didn't give up.... so i finally found a peso after so many busi si sang bag ko... (huyabaW! muna ngd ko yah kayaman! hahahaa)
so finally I passed the requirements, i must go back to PILAR for the defend, and i remember my baby boy, wala sya to gatas sa balay...so i go to the grocery to buy milk and some foods for me and kids and coffee of my DEAR mother Earth. as I go out the store, i realize how unlucky i was to still not get my main goal in the city but everything lightens up coz the jeepney driver was cute... wahaha... ay! biglang naging maaliwalas yung mukha ko.... naks! ambot kung gwapo to sa basta manami iya sunggad... so that was a plus... for the day... 
I was back at pilar at 1 pm and the defense goes........ hmmmp.... it was actually your PRE ORAL DEFEND..... SEE you again on NOVEMBER 2018.... :D

ATTRACTION: Physical then Emotional????

Physical attraction,yes! comes first before anything else
I wanted to prove the world that its NOT.  that in some cases TRUE LOVE will remain.
Will I able to prove it? though I am afraid to fail. its okay because failure means learning..
learning will give me enough wisdom.
i am ready to be happy being ALONE
and I don't expect you to be around. though I was confused for the too much time and effort. 
I  just Ignore it..

There was this man who........
...who used to hang out with
he was funny, witty,creative, talented
I used to know him before
but I never even imagine myself to be so close to him.
Til' now, till he finally told me whats the real score
where i used to laugh out loud,
coz it seems that the only reason why they come to me
is to have a SCORE. literally..hmmp.
well,it is my fault if i wont believe on those LIES?
LIES that was been the reason of my broken  heart and dreams?
secret or not, it all has been the same.
it been so damn PAINFUL,i don't want to go through with it again
and with you? where I really don't know what is true and what is a lie?
because I honestly found you a LIER.
and what would it be?
what would it be with me?
what could I actually get from you?
to be honest,yeah? your handsome, talented,
and I do feel(what you have been saying) the same with you,
You make me laugh, talk to me, listen to me... but they did that before too..
That would never feed me
I was too in love before and thought that love would conquer all
I was wrong
Being in love was not that too good for me.

and I face reality and that reality was:
NO MAN WOULD DO SACRIFICES FOR A WOMAN
BECAUSE OF COWARDLINESS IS MORE STRONGER
THAN THE PULL OF A MERE FEELING OF LOVE
oh! no ITS NOT LOVE its LUST....
THAT IS MEN... the most unreliable specie on earth..

Imsoorry...

May 4ever ba o Wala (REal Talk)

Sabi nang ilan may forever sila,

sabi naman ng iba walang forever. 

Naniniwala ako na walang forever

Sabi ko pa nang minsan akong nasaktan hindi totoo ang LOVE. 

Pero mali ako, maling-mali

Kasinaranasan kong magmahal.

Walang tanung,walang kasi, basta mahal ko.

Hindi dahil gwapo o dahil may utak, hindi dahil may pera o may kapangyarihan, 

hindi dahil may laban sa lipunan o mansion ang bahay.. 

Tanging rason ko lang eh BASTA MAHAL KO SYA.  

Eh yun naman ang LOVE dba. 

LOVE is REAL 

FOREVER EXIST

Ang kaso nga lang minsan nasa iisang tao lang yun. 

Iisang tao na nagmahal, nasaktan, at umasa.

Sa tingin ko nga ang swerte ko,

Dahil naranasan ko ng tatlong pagkakataon,

SIMPLY IT DOESN'T WORK OUT 

Its the reality of life na kailangang tangapin. 

May mga taong di lang talaga para isa’t- isa. 

Nagkakasakitan 

There are people who can’t take care of the trust you gave them. 

Ang hirap pa namang i-earn ang TRUST. 

Isa ako sa taong mahirap magtiwala. 

For me that is something you can’t buy and hard to earn.

Nagmahal ako,nagpakaloka, nag iiyak,nagtatawa,nanaginip at ngayon nagising. 

AND I AM PROUD TO SAY I EXPERIENCE IT. 

Helo there!

 I am someone whom I think don’t know what I want in my life.

 Or don’t knw where to start.

 I wanted to be free, free from my mother who always speaks what is best for her. 

Not for me or for my sons. 

Yes I have two gorgeous sons. 

The are my inspiration.

 They are the one who keeps on motivating me.

 I wanted more in my life. 

Yes I wanted more. 

I don’t want to be just a housewife. 

I wanted to be an even better, sophisticated, business minded mother. 

I wanted to have more.

I Never intend to say that being a housewife is bad, 

when I was small, 

I used to dream to take care of my kids someday, 

but everything change when you stucked with

 someone whom at first you thought would take care of you 

but then will be the one who will shattered you apart. 

I’ve  been through many ups and down.

I am seperated fromthe father of my kids. 

The father whom I  though my confidant, my friend, my partner, comforter.

He used me upto feed his fantasies,a lazy nothing person. 

How did I ever end up with someone who is SELFISH, CLOSE-MINDED, and EGOIST

I gave everything for him,and even rebel against my family for us to start as a family

But why does he don't want me to give something to my family.

It was my parents who send me to school, and its fair that if I have more I'll give some to them

But he don't want that he wanted everything i work hard for to go to him. ALL of it. 

He does'nt WORK, Unfinished college ,in short he got nothing to be proud of

But it was funny for him to say I did'nt sacrifice anything for him 

and that there is nothing for me that he can thank of. 

Maybe ruining my life and making it miserable is enough description.

 I realize that you must not trust somebody fully. 

They will earn you’re trust and backstabbed you when you have trusted them enough.

 I don’t know if I could still trust people. For nowI TRUST ONLY MYSELF.